Blackmoor Vituperative

This is for any potential employers or hiring managers who might take the trouble to Google me before scheduling me for an interview: I do not consent to drug testing. Any medication I may be taking is a matter of interest to two people: me, and my doctor. No one else.

To be more specific, I will consent to the insult and humiliation of pre- or post-employment drug testing if and only if the person making the request has a truly compelling reason for asking. Here are a few reasons I consider adequately compelling:

1. I am or will be directly responsible for the lives of others. For example, if I am a heart surgeon, or if my primary activity will cause the immediate gruesome deaths of the people around me if I make the slightest mistake — some kind of bomb disposal, perhaps.
2. I have access to information which will place others’ lives in immediate danger if it is revealed. For example, if I maintain a server which contains the names and assignments of law enforcement officers. (In fact, I gave my consent for this reason when I worked for the US Coast Guard in Norfolk, VA.)
3. I must attain and maintain a security clearance from the Unites States federal government. (I gave my consent for this reason when I worked for the US Joint Forces Command in Suffolk, VA.)
4. Any other circumstance where my responsibility literally means life or death for another person. The life of another person is more important than my dignity.

I think that should be sufficiently clear, but just in case, here are some reasons that I do not consider adequate:

1. The pre-employment screening is “company policy”. (That’s not a reason: that’s an evasion.)
2. Everyone else in the company, including the owner or stockholders, has consented to be tested. (Peer pressure is not a good reason to smoke, and it is certainly not a good reason to allow someone to treat me like a criminal.)
3. I have access to information which could potentially cost the employer trillions upon trillions of dollars if it is revealed or misused. (No amount of money is worth my privacy and dignity.)

It is my opinion that no employer worth working for will make unnecessary humiliation of the applicant part of the “screening” process, and that no competent, self-respecting person will consent to it unless they are truly desperate.