[x]Blackmoor Vituperative

Wednesday, 2018-05-09

RiffTrax “The Last Jedi”

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 21:19

30 minutes into the RiffTrax of “The Last Jedi”. This is the second time I’ve seen the movie. It is even worse than I remember. It’s like a badly written satire of a Star Wars movie (and by that I mean the movie, not the RIffTrax commentary).

How could this have happened? “The Force Awakens” was SO GOOD. So they KNOW how to make a good Star Wars movie, yet they deliberately chose NOT to.

Ye gods. So very bad. And it just. Keeps. Getting. Worse. Holy crap.

Two hours in. Wow. It’s like they went into this saying, “Let’s make a movie that mocks everything Star Wars fans love.” And then someone else said, “Yes, good. But let’s do it so ineptly that people will be making fun of this movie’s obvious flaws long after we are all dead.” And the first person says, “Right, right. Not just bad writing, but the kind of overtly, impossibly bad writing that even high school students will be wondering what kind of idiots we are.” And the second person says, “Brilliant! But we need to make sure we piss on everything that makes Star Wars fun. We need to ruin it utterly. This will be a movie that only people who hate Star Wars will like, and then only in that hateful, ‘My ex-boyfriend lost his job’ kind of way.” And the first person was all laughing and saying, “Perfect!”

And then a third person comes in, overhears that, and says, “OMG, that is HILARIOUS. And I have an idea. Some time toward the end, we should have the Slowest Starship Chase In The Universe ®.” And then an old white guy in an expensive suit comes out of his office, and says, “I heard all of that, and I have only one thing to say…” And the three writers are all afraid they are going to be fired. But then the suit says, “The Slowest Starship Chase In The Universe ® … is the ENTIRE MOVIE.” And they all crack up laughing, because they all hate Star Wars SO MUCH.

All I wanted was a Pepsi

Filed under: Music — bblackmoor @ 20:55

Wait, what are you talking about, WE decided!? MY best interest?! How can you know what’s MY best interest is? How can you say what MY best interest is? What are you trying to say, I’M crazy? When I went to YOUR schools, I went to YOUR churches, I went to YOUR institutional learning facilities?! So how can you say I’M crazy?

Saturday, 2018-04-28

“The Pink Jungle” (1968)

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 16:29

This afternoon’s movie watching entertainment was “The Pink Jungle” (1968). I first saw this movie when I was staying at my grandparents in Virginia Beach, approximately 1975. The room I stayed in had a small color TV (12 inch, maybe a bit more). I watched a lot of movies on that TV, including all of the “Planet Of The Apes” movies. Those, of course, are easy to find now, but this one isn’t. As far as I can tell, it was only released on VHS, and only in pan-and-scan.

The version we watched was clearly digitized from a VHS source, but it was pretty entertaining despite the pan-and-scan. The film was originally released in Techniscope, which was an Italian cheapo widescreen process used in the 1960s. It may not be CinemaScope, but I’d still rather see the whole picture than a pan-and-scan version. Maybe some day.

“The Pink Jungle” (1968) features George Kennedy, who was already pretty well known by this time, James Garner, who at this point was best known for playing Maverick (Rockford Files was still a few years away), and Eva Renzi, who was still making movies until the 1990s, but who is probably best known for this and “Bird With The Crystal Plumage” (1970).

This is a fun film. I hope someone rediscovers it and gives it the widescreen DVD or Blu-ray release it deserves.

But what the hell is up with that poster?

Friday, 2018-03-16

World Of Warcraft 11th anniversary

Filed under: Gaming — bblackmoor @ 08:00

On this day in 2007, I signed up for World Of Warcraft. I met some amazing people… Artisania, Slade, Liore, Shivae, Kolja, Teledriath, Iloam, Heulwen, Kharris…

Those days are gone, but I’ll always remember them, and the people that made them great.

Thursday, 2018-03-01

Cult Movie Night filmography

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 12:02

movie theater audience with 3d glasses

Date Movie Year   
2017-12-08 Chitty Chitty Bang Bang 1968
2017-12-08 The Assassination Bureau, Ltd. 1969
2017-10-20 Let’s Scare Jessica To Death 1971
2017-10-20 The Other 1972
2017-09-15 Coffy 1973
2017-09-15 Foxy Brown 1974
2017-08-18 Predator 1987
2017-08-18 Predator 2 1990
2017-07-21 Interview With The Vampire 1994
2017-07-21 Queen Of The Damned 2002
2017-06-16 Piranha 2010
2017-06-16 Piranha 1978
2017-05-19 The Crawling Eye 1958
2017-05-19 Fiend Without A Face 1958
2017-04-14 Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec 2010
2017-04-14 La Femme Nikita 1990
2017-03-17 Leprechaun 3 1995
2017-03-17 Darby O’Gill And The Little People 1959
2017-02-24 League of Extraordinary Gentlemen 2003
2017-02-24 Van Helsing 2004
2016-10-21 Stepford Wives 1975
2016-10-21 Invasion Of The Body Snatchers 1978
2016-09-23 The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra Returns Again! 2009
2016-09-23 The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra 2001
2016-08-19 Kill Bill, volumes 1 and 2 2004
2016-07-15 Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Street 1982
2016-05-13 Them! 1954
2016-05-13 Empire Of The Ants 1977
2016-04-15 Doomsday 2008
2016-04-15 Damnation Alley 1977
2016-03-11 Black Sunday 1960
2016-03-11 Nightmare Castle 1965
2016-02-19 Cabin Fever 2002
2016-02-19 Tucker And Dale vs. Evil 2010
2016-01-15 Hidden 1987
2016-01-15 Trancers 1984
2015-12-18 Hogfather 2006
2015-10-30 Dust Devil 1992
2015-10-30 Hardware 1990
2015-09-11 Timecop 1994
2015-09-11 Universal Soldier 1992
2015-07-17 Three Musketeers 1973
2015-07-17 Four Musketeers 1974
2015-06-19 Adventures Of Ford Fairlane 1990
2015-06-19 Cast A Deadly Spell 1991
2015-05-22 Primal Fear 1996
2015-05-22 Final Analysis 1992
2015-04-18 Highlander 1986
2015-04-18 Flash Gordon 1980
2015-03-20 Great Race 1965
2014-12-19 Batman Returns 1992
2014-12-19 Bad Santa 2003
2014-11-21 Into The Night 1985
2014-11-21 In-Laws 1979
2014-10-17 Ghostbusters 1984
2014-10-17 Frighteners 1996
2014-09-19 Catch-22 1970
2014-08-15 Fatherland 1994
2014-08-15 Split Second 1992
2014-07-18 Earth vs. The Flying Saucers 1956
2014-07-18 War Of The Worlds 1953
2014-05-16 Red Rock West 1993
2014-05-16 Raising Arizona 1987
2014-03-21 Evil Dead 2 1987
2014-03-21 My Name Is Bruce 2007
2014-03-14 Evil Dead 1981
2014-02-28 Kiss Kiss Bang Bang 2005
2014-02-28 Real Genius 1985
2013-12-13 Road House 1989
2013-11-15 Tank Girl 1995
2013-11-15 Johnny Mnemonic 1995
2013-10-18 Legend Of Hell House 1973
2013-10-18 Burnt Offerings 1976
2013-09-20 Mystery Men 1999
2013-09-20 Specials 2000
2013-08-09 Phantom Of The Paradise 1974
2013-08-09 Suck 2009
2013-07-12 Night Of The Demon 1957
2013-07-12 Shadow Of The Vampire 2000
2013-06-21 Planet Of The Apes 1968
2013-06-21 Touch Of Evil 1958
2013-05-24 Dark City 1998
2013-05-24 Thirteenth Floor 1999
2013-04-21 Shining 1980
2013-04-19 Last Man On Earth 1964
2013-04-19 Omega Man 1971
2013-03-15 Big Sleep 1946
2013-03-15 Maltese Falcon 1941
2013-02-15 Logan’s Run 1976
2013-02-15 Matrix 1999
2013-01-11 Big Trouble In Little China 1986
2013-01-11 Showdown In Little Tokyo 1991
2012-12-14 Gremlins 1984
2012-12-14 Planes, Trains, and Automobiles 1987
2012-11-30 Silent Night, Deadly Night 1984
2012-11-30 Santa Claus Conquers The Martians 1964
2012-11-16 Point Break 1991
2012-11-16 Repo Man 1984
2012-10-19 Near Dark 1987
2012-10-12 Island Of Terror 1966
2012-09-21 Equilibrium 2002
2012-08-17 Trail of the Screaming Forehead 2007
2012-07-20 Godzilla vs. Biollante 1989
2012-07-20 Dark and Stormy Night 2009
2012-06-21 Re-Animator 1985

Wednesday, 2018-02-28

Dragons can be killed

Filed under: Art,Books,Philosophy,Society — bblackmoor @ 16:20

I ran across this quote today (not for the first time). It occurs to me that our fairy tales might have changed, but the lesson is still the same.

“Fairy tales, then, are not responsible for producing in children fear, or any of the shapes of fear; fairy tales do not give the child the idea of the evil or the ugly; that is in the child already, because it is in the world already. Fairy tales do not give the child his first idea of bogey. What fairy tales give the child is his first clear idea of the possible defeat of bogey. The baby has known the dragon intimately ever since he had an imagination. What the fairy tale provides for him is a St. George to kill the dragon. Exactly what the fairy tale does is this: it accustoms him for a series of clear pictures to the idea that these limitless terrors had a limit, that these shapeless enemies have enemies in the knights of God, that there is something in the universe more mystical than darkness, and stronger than strong fear.”
— G.K. Chesterton, Tremendous Trifles (1909), XVII: “The Red Angel”

Sweet Halloween Dreams (begemott)

P.S. This is often mis-quoted as something like, “Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.” It’s succinct, and it’s true, but that’s not the quotation. I care about things like that. You might not.

Friday, 2018-02-09

Superhero fatigue

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 01:31

I have tried to avoid dumping on things other people are looking forward to… but yeah, I am tired of the Avengers, Spider-Man, Batman, [that’s not] Superman, Guardians Of The Galaxy…. The only superhero movie I am interested in at all is Black Panther (I am looking forward to that).

I am interested in Star Trek and Star Wars even less. Trek has become just … eh. And the last two Star Wars movies were so bad… just… SO bad… ecch. Barring something coming along as unexpectedly entertaining as Force Awakens, I think I’m done with that franchise (I never thought I’d say that).

I guess this is what getting old feels like.

Thursday, 2018-02-01

Godzilla Science

Filed under: Movies,Science — bblackmoor @ 14:47

I’ve been watching all of the Godzilla movies in order. I’m up to “Godzilla vs. Destoroyah” (1995). One of the wacky things about Godzilla movies is their … I guess I’d call it “alternative science”. Most Godzilla movies have at least one scene with people in a lab or around a table, explaining to each other the most nonsensical “science” behind whatever might be happening.

Godzilla vs Destoroyah (1995)

Monday, 2018-01-22

Celebrate your oddities

Filed under: Entertainment,Fine Living — bblackmoor @ 15:22

I’m not a fan of professional football, myself, but there’s room enough in the world for people to like what they like. Physical performance is a form of art; beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It would be hypocritical of me to criticize someone for what they find fun, don’t you think?

If you are having a good time and not hurting anyone, more power to you.

celebrate your oddities, your work, your sexuality
celebrate your urges, celebrate humanity,
celebrate your fetishes, my message is clear,
there’s no such thing as normal: everybody’s weird

Saturday, 2018-01-13

Trainspotting, again

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 22:15

We watched “T2: Trainspotting” (2017) tonight. To put it in the vernacular of the film, it wasn’t shite. I enjoyed it. Quite a bit, actually.

And if you’ve not seen it recently, you really should see the original.

T2: Trainspotting

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