[x]Blackmoor Vituperative

Sunday, 2018-08-12

“Watership Down” is a post-apocalypse movie

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 19:55

Observation: post-apocalypse movies are all adaptations of the 1972 novel “Watership Down” by Richard Adams.

Watership Down

Tuesday, 2018-07-24

The strange case of Stewart Moss and Bradford Dillman

Filed under: Movies,Television — bblackmoor @ 12:51

From the files of… IT’S THE SAME GUY! We bring you the case of Stewart Moss and Bradford Dillman. We saw ONE of these men playing a Kelvan on the original Star Trek. Which of them was it? YOU make the call!

Bradford Dillman and Stewart Moss

Sunday, 2018-07-15

“Killing Of A Sacred Deer” (2017)

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 18:05

If you get the chance to see a movie called “Killing Of A Sacred Deer” (2017), don’t. It’s one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time, and certainly the worst movie I have watched all the way to the end in a very long time. I’ll tell you a summary, but it’s not a spoiler, for reasons I will explain afterward.

A teenage sociopath blames a surgeon for his father’s death, and poisons the doctor’s children (I think it was probably thallium, but the actual poison was never revealed). He then demands that the doctor kill one of his poisoned children or his wife. The doctor and his wife then do what no person in the world would do — they wonder if they should kill one of their kids. They don’t contact the police, or try to figure out how he poisoned them, or anything sensible. No one acts like a normal human being, including the poisoned kids.

It takes the movie about a half hour to reveal this, which is another problem. Literally nothing happens in the first half-hour. There is no character development. There are no clues as to what is coming. Nothing happens, then a kid gets sick, and then the plot is revealed (that’s why this is not a spoiler — there is nothing to spoil). And then the doctor and the family all act like idiots until the movie ends, with each character’s idiocy getting more and more ridiculous right up to the end.

I’m not even going to link to the movie on Amazon, because I would hate for anyone to buy this movie. It’s just a terrible movie. Instead, I’ll link to an article on thallium poisoning.

Wednesday, 2018-05-09

RiffTrax “The Last Jedi”

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 21:19

30 minutes into the RiffTrax of “The Last Jedi”. This is the second time I’ve seen the movie. It is even worse than I remember. It’s like a badly written satire of a Star Wars movie (and by that I mean the movie, not the RiffTrax commentary).

How could this have happened? “The Force Awakens” was SO GOOD. So they KNOW how to make a good Star Wars movie, yet they deliberately chose NOT to.

Ye gods. So very bad. And it just. Keeps. Getting. Worse. Holy crap.

Two hours in. Wow. It’s like they went into this saying, “Let’s make a movie that mocks everything Star Wars fans love.” And then someone else said, “Yes, good. But let’s do it so ineptly that people will be making fun of this movie’s obvious flaws long after we are all dead.” And the first person says, “Right, right. Not just bad writing, but the kind of overtly, impossibly bad writing that even high school students will be wondering what kind of idiots we are.” And the second person says, “Brilliant! But we need to make sure we piss on everything that makes Star Wars fun. We need to ruin it utterly. This will be a movie that only people who hate Star Wars will like, and then only in that hateful, ‘My ex-boyfriend lost his job’ kind of way.” And the first person was all laughing and saying, “Perfect!”

And then a third person comes in, overhears that, and says, “OMG, that is HILARIOUS. And I have an idea. Some time toward the end, we should have the Slowest Starship Chase In The Universe ®.” And then an old white guy in an expensive suit comes out of his office, and says, “I heard all of that, and I have only one thing to say…” And the three writers are all afraid they are going to be fired. But then the suit says, “The Slowest Starship Chase In The Universe ® … is the ENTIRE MOVIE.” And they all crack up laughing, because they all hate Star Wars SO MUCH.

P.S.

I just watched “How Star Wars The Last Jedi Should Have Ended” again, after recently seeing Last Jedi again (which is still just awful). The folks at How It Should Have Ended GET IT. They understand what was wrong with this movie, and how it could have been a worthy follow-up to “Force Awakens” (which was fantastic). It vexes me that the bigots and misogynists get all the attention for criticizing “Last Jedi”, because their reasons for hating it are STUPID. Rey is AWESOME. Finn is AWESOME. But “Last Jedi” wasted both characters, and it dumped hot wet garbage all over what makes Star Wars wonderful. If only the people who made “Last Jedi” loved Star Wars and understood what makes a movie great, the way the folks at How It Should Have Ended clearly do.

Saturday, 2018-04-28

“The Pink Jungle” (1968)

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 16:29

This afternoon’s movie watching entertainment was “The Pink Jungle” (1968). I first saw this movie when I was staying at my grandparents in Virginia Beach, approximately 1975. The room I stayed in had a small color TV (12 inch, maybe a bit more). I watched a lot of movies on that TV, including all of the “Planet Of The Apes” movies. Those, of course, are easy to find now, but this one isn’t. As far as I can tell, it was only released on VHS, and only in pan-and-scan.

The version we watched was clearly digitized from a VHS source, but it was pretty entertaining despite the pan-and-scan. The film was originally released in Techniscope, which was an Italian cheapo widescreen process used in the 1960s. It may not be CinemaScope, but I’d still rather see the whole picture than a pan-and-scan version. Maybe some day.

“The Pink Jungle” (1968) features George Kennedy, who was already pretty well known by this time, James Garner, who at this point was best known for playing Maverick (Rockford Files was still a few years away), and Eva Renzi, who was still making movies until the 1990s, but who is probably best known for this and “Bird With The Crystal Plumage” (1970).

This is a fun film. I hope someone rediscovers it and gives it the widescreen DVD or Blu-ray release it deserves.

But what the hell is up with that poster?

Thursday, 2018-03-01

Cult Movie Night filmography

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 12:02

movie theater audience with 3d glasses

Date Movie Year   
2017-12-08 Chitty Chitty Bang Bang 1968
2017-12-08 The Assassination Bureau, Ltd. 1969
2017-10-20 Let’s Scare Jessica To Death 1971
2017-10-20 The Other 1972
2017-09-15 Coffy 1973
2017-09-15 Foxy Brown 1974
2017-08-18 Predator 1987
2017-08-18 Predator 2 1990
2017-07-21 Interview With The Vampire 1994
2017-07-21 Queen Of The Damned 2002
2017-06-16 Piranha 2010
2017-06-16 Piranha 1978
2017-05-19 The Crawling Eye 1958
2017-05-19 Fiend Without A Face 1958
2017-04-14 Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec 2010
2017-04-14 La Femme Nikita 1990
2017-03-17 Leprechaun 3 1995
2017-03-17 Darby O’Gill And The Little People 1959
2017-02-24 League of Extraordinary Gentlemen 2003
2017-02-24 Van Helsing 2004
2016-10-21 Stepford Wives 1975
2016-10-21 Invasion Of The Body Snatchers 1978
2016-09-23 The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra Returns Again! 2009
2016-09-23 The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra 2001
2016-08-19 Kill Bill, volumes 1 and 2 2004
2016-07-15 Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Street 1982
2016-05-13 Them! 1954
2016-05-13 Empire Of The Ants 1977
2016-04-15 Doomsday 2008
2016-04-15 Damnation Alley 1977
2016-03-11 Black Sunday 1960
2016-03-11 Nightmare Castle 1965
2016-02-19 Cabin Fever 2002
2016-02-19 Tucker And Dale vs. Evil 2010
2016-01-15 Hidden 1987
2016-01-15 Trancers 1984
2015-12-18 Hogfather 2006
2015-10-30 Dust Devil 1992
2015-10-30 Hardware 1990
2015-09-11 Timecop 1994
2015-09-11 Universal Soldier 1992
2015-07-17 Three Musketeers 1973
2015-07-17 Four Musketeers 1974
2015-06-19 Adventures Of Ford Fairlane 1990
2015-06-19 Cast A Deadly Spell 1991
2015-05-22 Primal Fear 1996
2015-05-22 Final Analysis 1992
2015-04-18 Highlander 1986
2015-04-18 Flash Gordon 1980
2015-03-20 Great Race 1965
2014-12-19 Batman Returns 1992
2014-12-19 Bad Santa 2003
2014-11-21 Into The Night 1985
2014-11-21 In-Laws 1979
2014-10-17 Ghostbusters 1984
2014-10-17 Frighteners 1996
2014-09-19 Catch-22 1970
2014-08-15 Fatherland 1994
2014-08-15 Split Second 1992
2014-07-18 Earth vs. The Flying Saucers 1956
2014-07-18 War Of The Worlds 1953
2014-05-16 Red Rock West 1993
2014-05-16 Raising Arizona 1987
2014-03-21 Evil Dead 2 1987
2014-03-21 My Name Is Bruce 2007
2014-03-14 Evil Dead 1981
2014-02-28 Kiss Kiss Bang Bang 2005
2014-02-28 Real Genius 1985
2013-12-13 Road House 1989
2013-11-15 Tank Girl 1995
2013-11-15 Johnny Mnemonic 1995
2013-10-18 Legend Of Hell House 1973
2013-10-18 Burnt Offerings 1976
2013-09-20 Mystery Men 1999
2013-09-20 Specials 2000
2013-08-09 Phantom Of The Paradise 1974
2013-08-09 Suck 2009
2013-07-12 Night Of The Demon 1957
2013-07-12 Shadow Of The Vampire 2000
2013-06-21 Planet Of The Apes 1968
2013-06-21 Touch Of Evil 1958
2013-05-24 Dark City 1998
2013-05-24 Thirteenth Floor 1999
2013-04-21 Shining 1980
2013-04-19 Last Man On Earth 1964
2013-04-19 Omega Man 1971
2013-03-15 Big Sleep 1946
2013-03-15 Maltese Falcon 1941
2013-02-15 Logan’s Run 1976
2013-02-15 Matrix 1999
2013-01-11 Big Trouble In Little China 1986
2013-01-11 Showdown In Little Tokyo 1991
2012-12-14 Gremlins 1984
2012-12-14 Planes, Trains, and Automobiles 1987
2012-11-30 Silent Night, Deadly Night 1984
2012-11-30 Santa Claus Conquers The Martians 1964
2012-11-16 Point Break 1991
2012-11-16 Repo Man 1984
2012-10-19 Near Dark 1987
2012-10-12 Island Of Terror 1966
2012-09-21 Equilibrium 2002
2012-08-17 Trail of the Screaming Forehead 2007
2012-07-20 Godzilla vs. Biollante 1989
2012-07-20 Dark and Stormy Night 2009
2012-06-21 Re-Animator 1985

Friday, 2018-02-09

Superhero fatigue

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 01:31

I have tried to avoid dumping on things other people are looking forward to… but yeah, I am tired of the Avengers, Spider-Man, Batman, [that’s not] Superman, Guardians Of The Galaxy…. The only superhero movie I am interested in at all is Black Panther (I am looking forward to that).

I am interested in Star Trek and Star Wars even less. Trek has become just … eh. And the last two Star Wars movies were so bad… just… SO bad… ecch. Barring something coming along as unexpectedly entertaining as Force Awakens, I think I’m done with that franchise (I never thought I’d say that).

I guess this is what getting old feels like.

Thursday, 2018-02-01

Godzilla Science

Filed under: Movies,Science — bblackmoor @ 14:47

I’ve been watching all of the Godzilla movies in order. I’m up to “Godzilla vs. Destoroyah” (1995). One of the wacky things about Godzilla movies is their … I guess I’d call it “alternative science”. Most Godzilla movies have at least one scene with people in a lab or around a table, explaining to each other the most nonsensical “science” behind whatever might be happening.

Godzilla vs Destoroyah (1995)

Saturday, 2018-01-13

Trainspotting, again

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 22:15

We watched “T2: Trainspotting” (2017) tonight. To put it in the vernacular of the film, it wasn’t shite. I enjoyed it. Quite a bit, actually.

And if you’ve not seen it recently, you really should see the original.

T2: Trainspotting

Saturday, 2018-01-06

Return Of The Force Awakens

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 22:47
The Force Awakens

We are re-watching “Star Wars 7: Episode 7 The Force Awakens” (which, fun fact, is the only Star Wars movie to have its “episode” number match its actual number). 20 minutes in, and I am reminded why I rank this as among the best of the Star Wars movies.

  1. The characters have fun with each other.
  2. The comedy works.
  3. We care about the characters, because we like the characters.
  4. The characters accomplish things.

You would think that people making Star Wars movies would remember these four simple things. But historically, 2/3 of them don’t.

Even the spaceship fights are amazing in this. Partly because the choreography of the spaceship fights is creative and interesting, but mainly because we care about the characters and what they are doing.

And in case you are wondering how to correctly use a recognizable veteran actor in a movie like this, Max Von Sydow’s character is a perfect example — that’s how you use a veteran actor in a movie like this. They come in, they provide gravitas, they pass on wisdom, and then they leave (probably by dying). They provide motivation and support for the protagonists — they definitely don’t upstage them.

Want to see how not to use a veteran actor in a movie like this? Laura Dern in “The Last Jedi” is a perfect example of what not to do: swoop in, derail the story, make the protagonists look incompetent, and grab all of the attention.

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