[x]Blackmoor Vituperative

Sunday, 2021-01-24

“Freaky” (2020)

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 21:49

If you liked “Scream”, you may like “Freaky” (2020). It’s funny and gory, and Vince Vaughn and Kathryn Newton both deliver effective performances. I enjoyed it.

Saturday, 2021-01-23

“Keanu” (2016)

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 21:41

If you like the Richard Pryor/Gene Wilder movies from the 1970s, like “Silver Streak” (1976), you may like “Keanu” (2016). I think it’s probably the closest I have seen anyone come close to the style of movies that Pryor and Wilder made. It’s not 100% the kind of comedy I typically like, and I wasn’t entirely happy with the ending, but I enjoyed it.

Tuesday, 2020-12-22

“Breach” (2020)

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 22:15

We just watched one of the worst movies I have seen in a very long time. I have seen people compare this to “Alien” (1979) and “The Thing” (1982), but that gives this film far too much credit. If Uwe Boll were to make a crappy knockoff of Roger Corman’s “Forbidden World” (1982) (originally titled “Mutant”), it would look like “Breach” (2020).

Calling this “terrible” is an insult to terrible movies.

Friday, 2020-12-18

Star Wars Tie Interceptor Christmas Ornament

Filed under: Fine Living,Movies — bblackmoor @ 11:40

Fun fact! You can make a Christmas ornament out of a $9 Revell Snap Tite Star Wars Tie Interceptor model (link to the model).

Tie Interceptor Christmas Ornament
  1. Assemble the model.
  2. Get a generic metal Christmas ornament hook, and one of those extra-long propane lighters for fireplaces, tiki torches, etc.
  3. Un-bend the small end of the Christmas ornament hook to make it straight.
  4. Heat up the un-bent end of the Christmas ornament hook with the lighter until the metal glows.
  5. Push the hot metal straight down into the round part of the Tie Interceptor, but not so far that it comes out of the bottom. There is actually a tiny little circle on top of the space ship to show you where to put the hook!
  6. Wait a minute or so for the metal and melted plastic to cool.
  7. Hang it on the tree.
Tie Interceptor Christmas Ornament

It doesn’t light up or make noise, but it is approximately the same size as a Hallmark ornament, and WAY cheaper! It fits right in with our Hallmark Tie Fighter and Darth Vader Tie Fighter ornaments.

P.S. The windows of mine are fogged up because I used crazy glue when I assembled my Tie Interceptor, and the vapours from the cyanoacrylate fogged up the inside of the windows (you have probably seen a similar effect on “CSI” or “Death In Paradise”, where they use crazy glue to reveal fingerprints on things).

Tuesday, 2020-12-01

“Uncle Frank” and “Priest”

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 09:45

Paul Bettany movies…

We watched “Uncle Frank” on Amazon Prime a couple of nights ago. Just FYI, it has a happy ending. I would have enjoyed the movie more had I known that up front, because I wasted a lot of time expecting something horrible to happen. Nothing horrible happens. Everything works out. So just enjoy the movie, and don’t worry.

Last night, we watched “Priest” on Netflix Streaming (it leaves Netflix today, so I’m not sure where you would find it now). It’s your basic post-apocalypse, fascist-church-vs-vampires movie: that same old story. Surprisingly, it’s pretty decent. The production design, sets, and so on are top notch, and all of the actors play it completely straight. This, too, has a happy ending. Oh, and the girl who gets abducted is currently on Netflix as the eponymous “Emily In Paris”.

Friday, 2020-10-16

“Vivarium” and “Dead Weight”

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 22:26

Tonight’s movies were “Vivarium” (2019), which had us saying “kill it” throughout much of the movie (why do the characters never listen to our advice?), and “Dead Weight” (2012), a zombie movie that isn’t anything like what you would expect from a zombie movie. As the person who recommended it to me said, it turns the “hard men making hard choices” cliche on its head.

Of the two, I would recommend “Dead Weight”. Be warned, it takes a while to get started (about 20 minutes, and if it hadn’t been recommended by someone I know, it probably would have been an 18 minute movie for me), but if you stick with it, you may like it.

Tuesday, 2020-09-29

“Deep Blue Sea 3” (2020)

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 18:34

Deep Blue Sea 3” is not a terrible movie, and it has some beautiful underwater photography in the first half-hour and during the closing credits.

Monday, 2020-09-07

Mumble dialogue is the new drunken monkey cam

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 20:16

I have been complaining about this for a while, but apparently, it’s not just me: “mumble dialogue” is the modern version of “drunken monkey cam” (which I think might, just might, be going out of style, finally). I find it infuriating. LIGHT THE SCENE. HOLD THE CAMERA STILL. MAKE THE AUDIO UNDERSTANDABLE. WHY IS THIS SO DAMNED HARD FOR MODERN FILM MAKERS TO GRASP??

“I see but one rule: to be clear. If I am not clear, all my world crumbles to nothing.”

Stendhal

Thursday, 2020-08-27

18 minute movies

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 08:56

If I had the time (and frankly, interest), I would start a YouTube channel called “18 minute movies”. I noticed many years ago, while letting Netflix play while I worked, that I was stopping really bad movies at about the same point each time: 18 minutes. It was uncanny.

“18 minute movies” would be me spending about a minute describing the first 18 minutes of some movie that I stopped watching at that point. For example:

“Guns Akimbo” (2019): Daniel Radcliffe portrays an internet troll. He runs afoul of an illegal Fight Club style mafia, who appear to all be extras from the movie “Hackers” (1995). They use common power tools and hardware store screws to attach guns to his hands, somehow without making him bleed to death or collapse in screaming agony. Meanwhile, an eyebrow-less Samara Weaving shoots a lot of people while the camera is flung around the room by chimpanzees.

By the way, I really like Samara Weaving. I wish she had been cast as Captain Marvel (I’m not saying she was even considered or had any interest in the part, just that I wish she had been cast). My point is, Samara Weaving was not reason enough for me to keep playing the movie.

Here’s another one.

“The Vast Of Night” (2020): Jake Horowitz portrays a guy who “works at a radio station”. He roams aimlessly around a high school, which appears to be getting ready for a game of some kind (probably basketball). He steals an instrument from a member of the band and insults a girl who asks him for help with her tape recorder, all while mumbling incoherently around a cigarette.

Saturday, 2020-08-15

“Battletruck” (1982), aka “Warlords Of The 21st Century”

Filed under: Movies — bblackmoor @ 14:10

Today’s Saturday matinee is “Battletruck” (1982), also known as “Warlords Of The 21st Century”. This is not a great movie, but it is interesting for a number of reasons.

The late 1970s and early 1980s were the golden age of vehicle-based adventure movies. “Death Race 2000” (1975) was the vanguard of the genre, leading to “Blue Thunder” (1983), “Megaforce” (1982), “Deathsport” (1978), and so on.

The 1980s were also the golden age of post-apocalypse movies. “Mad Max” (1979) was the vanguard of the genre, leading to “Road Warrior” (1981), “Warrior And The Sorceress” (1984), “Cherry 2000” (1987), and so on.

“Battletruck” (1982) combines these elements. Unlike most films of both genres, it is not filmed in Argentina, nor does it feature David Carradine. It was filmed in New Zealand, and the cast includes Michael Beck (best known for “Warriors” (1979) and “Xanadu” (1980), and who also appeared in “Megaforce”), Annie McEnroe (who appeared in “Snowbeast” (1977), a weird intersection of the 1970s crazes for ski resort movies and Bigfoot movies), and James Wainwright (who has been in a number of fairly good films, but I know him as Dutch from 1974’s “Killdozer”). John Ratzenberger, who would make his appearance as Cliff Clavin on the show “Cheers” later the same year, has a small but memorable part as Rusty, the mechanic and weaponsmith. (Fun fact! Ratzenberger is one of the most successful actors of all time in terms of box-office receipts.)

As a vehicle-based post-apocalypse film, “Battletruck” doesn’t quite measure up to classics like “Damnation Alley” (1977), but it’s a sincere film with sympathetic characters, and it tells its story without the outlandish nonsense of “Warriors Of The Wasteland”, aka “New Barbarians” (1983) and without the sexual assaults of movies like “Road Warrior” (1981) and “Postman” (which came out in 1997, but which is very much a throwback to the post-apocalypse films of the 1980s).

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