Blackmoor Vituperative

I am going to post a photo of a coffee mug every day in August, and talk a little bit about where we got it and why I like it.

This mug has a photo of Joel and the bots. That’s Crow T. Robot on the left, and Tom Servo on the right. I bought this mug back in the mid-1990s. This is actually the second mug I bought with Joel on it: I dropped the first one, and broke it. You can’t buy these anymore.

Joel, Crow, and Tom are characters from a show that ran in the 1990s called Mystery Science Theater 3000. Susan introduced me to the show, after reading about it in a magazine. I fell in love with it instantly. I have every episode (commercial versions where they are available; Digital Archive Project versions where commercial versions do not yet exist), and I watch them regularly, typically in bed as I am going to sleep. It’s gotten so that I find it more difficult to go to sleep without it playing.

This cup has faded over time. I wash it by hand, and rarely use it, but time is unkind of photo-printed ceramic cups. But as long as this cup lasts, Joel and the bots are immortal.

We have a lot of coffee cups. I generally get one as a souvenir from any trip we take. Not every trip (I didn’t get one in Mexico, but I did get a very nice wooden mask), but most trips.

I am going to post a photo of a coffee mug every day in August, and talk a little bit about where we got it and why I like it.

This mug is Goofy. It came from Disneyworld in 1995. That was the first major vacation Susan and I took together. I was working for DOD at the time, and we got discount tickets for amusement park tickets through the Morale, Welfare, and Recreation program. Three days at the Disney parks, and two at Universal Studios. We drove from Virginia to Florida (and back). That was before the TSA made airplane travel an exercise in sexual assault. We could have flown. We drove because it was cheaper than flying (back then — not sure if it still is), and so that we would have a car once we got there. That was the first trip that we listened to books on CD along the way. I remember James Spader reading a Dean Koontz book about a town with a coal fire underneath it.

Our cat Healthcliff had just died of renal failure, and we decided to put off getting another cat until we came back. That cat was Nikita, who is still with us (knock on wood).

I used this cup at work when I was at Joint Forces Command as a civilian contractor. I thought it helped to soften my image a bit and make me seem more approachable, which was the persona I wanted to project. I wanted people to know that I was friendly and willing to help them. And who’s friendlier or more helpful than Goofy?

I have decided to start a diet. I am tired of being fat, and I obviously do not have the motivation to work out like a fiend. After careful consideration of my lifestyle, I designed a diet for myself. I am calling it The Bloody Mary Diet. Each day, my main food intake will be:

• two slices of high-fiber bread
• one can of premium white tuna
• two glasses of spicy V8 juice (sometimes with a splash of vodka)

I may augment this from time to time with a modest serving of dinner, but I am going to drastically reduce the size of my portions.

I can’t watch a subtitled movie while eating sushi. I can’t eat sushi without looking at it.

I am (or was) watching The Ghost Of Mae Nak, a Thai horror movie. I haven’t seen many Thai movies. This one is not terrible, but I really do not like the sound of the Thai language. To my American ears, they sound like Martians. “Ack ack ack ack ack. Ack ack ack. Ack ack!” It does not help that the two main characters are named Nak and Mak. I am not kidding.

The Wall Street Journal has an open letter from Muhtar Kent, the CEO of Coca-Cola, Coke Didn’t Make America Fat.

He makes sense — far more than any politician or lobbyist I have heard in recent months. A pity that kind of common sense is so rare in the USA, or we’d not be in the physical, financial, and social shape we are in.

I am having some cheesecake (which I got for my birthday) and a cup of Costa Rican Tarrazu coffee (from World Market) for breakfast, and I must say, this is a damn fine cup of coffee.

We got two free bottles of Gatorade G2 when we ordered a pizza the other night. According to the label, this is a “low calorie electrolyte beverage”. As anyone who has seen Idiocracy knows that “electrolytes” is marketing-speak for salt. As for being “low calorie”, keep in mind that all things are relative. Compared to a sugar-laden bottle of Pepsi, G2 is indeed “low calorie”. Compared to anything remotely good for you, G2 is sugar water — which is, in fact, what it is. Here’s a quick look at the ingredients:

Ingredients: Water, sucrose syrup, high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, natural and artificial flavors, sodium citrate, salt, monopotassium phosphate, sucralose, acesulfame potassium, red 40.

Do not drink this crap.

Tonight I used a coupon for a “large 3 topping pan pizza” from Papa John’s Pizza. I paid for a large pizza. What I received was a medium (10 inch) pizza. When I called to complain, I was told that I did receive a large.

Are they crazy? A 10″ pizza is not large!

I was told that if I did not like that, to call the customer service line on the box. I hung up, and looked, and there is no customer service line on the box. I called the store back, and they gave me a number to call, 888-907-0531. I called that number, and it is not in service. I called the store back AGAIN, and this time they said to send email to the email address on the box. I hung up, and looked, and there is no email address on the box. I called them again, and this time they just hung plain up on me.

Papa John’s has the worst customer service I have ever seen. EVER.

Check out this Chinese Pepsi commercial.

Fake crab meat. You know what I’m talking about: that sweet, white-with-red-stripes substance that you can get for about one-quarter the price of real crab meat. I love it. I can eat a pound of it at a time (preferably cold).

But I always wondered where this stuff came from. From a factory somewhere, certainly. But how is it made? Like sausage? Like lunch meat? Like soylent green?

Today I found out:

How products are made — imitation crab meat

Wow. I had no idea that the underlying technology that makes fake crab meat possible had been kicking around since the 16th century. That’s wild. I also would never have guessed that the sugar and sorbitol in fake crab meat served an essential manufacturing purpose. I always just figured it was there to make the product sweeter so that we fat-assed Americans would buy it.

The Internet really is amazing, you know. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.