Blackmoor Vituperative

This is the first of a new thing I am doing: tips for young people from an old man. Today’s topic: condoms.

In movies, you often see people get into bed and the guy immediately starts fumbling with the condom wrapper. There are two problems with this.

First, practice opening a condom wrapper and putting on a condom. They aren’t expensive, and you can afford to waste a half-dozen. Figure out what to do with the thing when you don’t have someone naked waiting for you.

Second, when you first get undressed is not the time to put on a condom. Women don’t warm up as quickly as men do. I am assuming the person next to you is a woman, but even men take some time to warm up — and women take longer (15 to 20 minutes is not unusual). So fool around for a while until the other person is thoroughly warmed up (that’s called “foreplay”). Only when you are both ready for penetration do you pause to put on the condom.

As for foreplay, Google that term, and read up about it. It’s not hard to do well, but it’s very easy to do poorly. Pay attention to what the other person wants. Ask them from time to time if what you are doing is working for them, and pay attention to what they say and how they respond. As a guy — particularly a young guy — if you pay attention to the other person, and are good at foreplay, you will be a much better lover than most people.

Be accepting, patient, and kind. Good advice any day of the year. I do not follow it as closely as I would like.

“Grudges are for the weak and self-destructive. Do you want tomorrow to be better than today? Then stop stoking the fire of yesterday’s pain.”

Brandon Blackmoor , 2019-09-11

When someone urges you to “never forget” a particular tragedy, stop and think: what exactly do they want you to remember, and why? Is it that they want to honor the memory of those who have died? Or are they trying to turn your grief into anger? Are they trying to manipulate you for your benefit, or for theirs?

What do they gain by keeping you angry?

Where are they trying to direct your anger?

Think.

Your anger might be righteous, and it might be enough to motivate you to work for change. But it might also just be an easy way for a cynical person to manipulate you.

“A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked. A complex system designed from scratch never works and cannot be patched up to make it work. You have to start over with a working simple system.”

— John Gall, “Systemantics: How Systems Really Work and How They Fail” (1975)

Here are some tips on how to have a happy marriage, from someone who has been married for 28 years, and is still happy about it.

1. Date plenty of people long before you even think about marrying any of them. Have at least a few serious relationships. Fall in love. Make mistakes. Have your heart broken. Get over it. Fall in love again. Learn from your mistakes and become a better, wiser person. (Also, learn how to have sex competently, because that is not automatic.)
2. Live on your own for a few years (but with a roommate if you have to). Be responsible for your own rent, your own food, your own laundry, and your own time. Learn who you are when you are not living with your parents or at a college dorm. Learn how to survive on your own. Learn who you are.
3. Date someone (or even better, hang out as best friends) for at least a few years before you even think about marrying them. Have arguments. Make up. Be wrong. Apologize. Go on long trips together. Learn how to communicate. Learn what it means to commit to caring about someone long term. Learn how to compromise — and when not to compromise.
4. When you are finally thinking about marriage, live with someone at least a few months before proposing. Go over the household bills together. Learn everything about each other’s finances. Share a bedroom. Share a bathroom. Learn what it is like to live with this person — and let them learn what it is like to live with you.
5. Don’t go into debt for the wedding or the honeymoon. Not one penny.
6. Communicate. Pay attention. Listen, and talk, and listen more.
7. Don’t lie. Ever.

[sīəns fikSHən]
noun

“Science fiction” is that subset of fantasy that uses the vocabulary of science to lend verisimilitude to the story.

First known use: 1925

If you get an email offering you a job cleaning up translations into English, like the one I have pasted below, it’s a scam. Just delete it. It’s not a real job. Do NOT reply to them

Our rapidly enlarging company is searching for a Business Correspondence Corrector who is fluent in English language to assist in interaction with our foreign clients. Your duties are to overview our business textual content files and also modifying grammar issues.

I was a capital-L Libertarian for a decade or so. The thing is, they are absolutely opposed to the initiation of physical force, because it’s the single greatest infringement of another person’s liberty. I think this is a good thing. For one thing, it would make the USA far less of an analogue of the Empire in Star Wars.

There are, unfortunately, two rather significant problems with libertarians. First, although they are opposed to the initiation of force, far too many of them fetishize the idea of retaliation. Once you do that, it becomes very easy to rationalize any violence or atrocity, because after all, “they started it”. You’ve seen the Gadsden flag, I assume, the one with the snake? “Don’t tread on me”? That’s not a celebration of living in peace and harmony: it’s a fetish symbol for someone who wants the opportunity to use violence and is looking for an excuse.

The second major problem with libertarians is that they are purposefully blind to the fact that physical violence is not the only form of coercion. A libertarian is perfectly fine with a single company buying all of the patents on a life-saving drug and then demanding your life savings for a dose of it, because that’s not physical violence — but it is obviously a direct “your money or your life” form of coercion, to everyone not blinded by their religious fervor. And it is a religious fervor, make no mistake. When you adhere to a creed or philosophy in defiance of the clear and measurable harm that philosophy causes, you have become a religious zealot — a fanatic.

Happy Columbus Day! Much like St. Patrick’s Day, this day has very little to do with the actual historical Christopher Columbus (who was by all accounts a truly despicable human being, although he may also have been a completely typical example of his time). What we are actually celebrating is the spirit of exploration that is tied so firmly to the American spirit. We are explorers and pioneers. We went where no one had gone before. We are risk takers who follow our dreams even when the people around us claim that we’d fall off the edge of the world (not in Columbus’ era — those folks knew the world was round). It’s also a day to celebrate the contribution that we Americans have gained thanks to Italian immigrants and (if we’re lucky) our Italian ancestors. These are things worth celebrating.

If you use this as an opportunity to complain about Columbus, Imperialism, or colonialism… well, there are good reasons to be aware of those things. But that’s not what we are celebrating on Columbus Day.

We’ve created the cyberpunk dystopia which used to be fiction.

Key points:

• Decline in wages is directly aligned with decline in unions.
• Top 10% larger share of revenue/wages is inversely proportional to declining union membership.
• There isn’t a lack of jobs. There is a lack of full-time, good paying jobs. There are a lot of contract and part time workers who can’t seem to get a fair shot at full time employment. And despite the low unemployment rate, employers aren’t relaxing their strict requirements for the full time jobs, for the most part.

Source: “Almost 80% of US workers live from paycheck to paycheck. Here’s why.” , Robert Reich. The Guardian. 2018-07-29.