Blackmoor Vituperative

This is one of a few in-character World Of Warcraft blog posts I wrote in the early 2000s and posted to rp-haven.com. The author of this is Figli Brassboots, a gnomish warrior, like his father Fugli before him.

Click the thumbnails for larger images with more details.

May 17, 2009, “Figli gets a haircut”

“What can I do for ya, bub?” ze goblin said.

“I am needing ze haircut!” I said.

“I got what you need!” ze goblin said with great confidence. “Hop in da chair.”

Today ist ze day! Today I meet with ze representatives of ze Commonwealth, a guild devoted to ze honest pursuits and ze protection of ze innocent peoples. But first, I need to be making myself presentable, und zo I am going to get a haircut!

“Hokay!” Und I hopped into ze special barber chair.

Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair, und zen spun me around to see.

“Whatcha think?”

“Nein, nein,” I said. “Zis is much too shaggy. I am needing more structure.”

“Structure, huh? You got it, bub.”

Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair, und zen spun me around to see.

“Whatcha think? Enough structure?”

“Zis is haffink ze structure,” I said, “but it is much too pointy. I am needing not so much pointiness.”

“Less pointy, huh? Okay, pal, I got yer meaning.”

Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair, und zen spun me around to see.

“Whatcha think? Better?”

I looked in ze mirror, and pondered.

“Zis is better, ja. Very aerodynamic! But I am thinking I am needing more hair on ze facial region. I am haffink ze interview of ze utmost importance, und I must have ze appearance of a gnome of a most sincere und serious nature.”

“Oh, okay. I got ya now. Serious. You got it.”  Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair again, und zen spun me around to see.

“Whatcha think? Serious enough?”

“Ja ja, zis is serious,” I said. “But mein head ist cold! I am needing more hair on top of mein head.”

“Oh, okay,” ze goblin said. “You shoulda said that before. I know whatcha need now.”

Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair, und zen spun me around again to see.

“Whatcha think? More hair on yer head.”

“Zis is no good,” I said. “Mein head looks like a bird!”

“Like a boid, huh? Okay, pal, I get yer meaning. I’ll trim it it up for ya.”

Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair, und zen spun me around again to see.

“Whatcha think? I took it in on da sides and da beard.”

“Zis is perfect!” I said.

Und zo, I paid ze goblin his gold, und alzo gave him a generous tip for his efforts of such an extraordinary nature.

I am ready for ze interviewing!