Blackmoor Vituperative

If I had the time (and frankly, interest), I would start a YouTube channel called “18 minute movies”. I noticed many years ago, while letting Netflix play while I worked, that I was stopping really bad movies at about the same point each time: 18 minutes. It was uncanny.

“18 minute movies” would be me spending about a minute describing the first 18 minutes of some movie that I stopped watching at that point. For example:

“Guns Akimbo” (2019): Daniel Radcliffe portrays an internet troll. He runs afoul of an illegal Fight Club style mafia, who appear to all be extras from the movie “Hackers” (1995). They use common power tools and hardware store screws to attach guns to his hands, somehow without making him bleed to death or collapse in screaming agony. Meanwhile, an eyebrow-less Samara Weaving shoots a lot of people while the camera is flung around the room by chimpanzees.

By the way, I really like Samara Weaving. I wish she had been cast as Captain Marvel (I’m not saying she was even considered or had any interest in the part, just that I wish she had been cast). My point is, Samara Weaving was not reason enough for me to keep playing the movie.

Here’s another one.

“The Vast Of Night” (2020): Jake Horowitz portrays a guy who “works at a radio station”. He roams aimlessly around a high school, which appears to be getting ready for a game of some kind (probably basketball). He steals an instrument from a member of the band and insults a girl who asks him for help with her tape recorder, all while mumbling incoherently around a cigarette.