Blackmoor Vituperative

This is one of a few in-character World Of Warcraft blog posts I wrote in the early 2000s and posted to rp-haven.com. The author of this is Figli Brassboots, a gnomish warrior, like his father Fugli before him.

Click the thumbnails for larger images with more details.

November 17, 2007, “Arrival in Ironforge”

To mein dearest sister Migli,

Zis has been ze most productive week! I have been practicing mein warrior skills with ze slaying of ze wild animals. Here I am with ze wolves, after being attacked by an entire pack of ze dangerous beasts!

I have also been with ze mining of ze minerals und such like from ze mountainous regions. As papa always said, there is more to a good gnome than ze killing und ze drinking. One must also have ze worthwile profession for to be making ze money for to provide for ze safety und security of ze family.

Have you heard ze name of Rejold Barleybrew in ze Brewnall Village? You will soon, I am thinking! He has what he thinks will be ze best stout ever, using ze shimmerweed, und he came to ze son of Fugli to assist him in zis endeavor. As it happens, ze shimmerweed is grown by ze trolls on Shimmer Ridge. Kill trolls, und help a brewer make ze perfect stout at ze same time? Where do I sign up!

Having made a reputation for myself in this fashion, I was summoned to Ironforge, to meet with ze dwarves! This is ze opportunity I have been waiting for! I wasted no time, packing up mein armor, weapons, und my tinkering kit, und heading to Ironforge!

Ze entrance to Ironforge is most impressive. There is a statue there of ze most extraordinary proportions. I believe it to be a dwarf king from before ze unpleasantness und ze separation of ze dwarven kingdoms. Personally, I think when someone builds a statue of such immensity, that they are compensating for something, maybe. I have not shared this theory with my dwarf friends, because I am thinking sometimes is best to be keeping ze thoughts inside of one’s noggin und not to be spilling them out all over. You see? I do listen to mein sister’s advice some of ze time!

Ironforge is a city of ze most extraordinary size. It is nearly as large as Gnomeregan, I am thinking, although I have never been to Gnomeragen myself, so this is just a guess. In ze center of ze city of is ze Great Forge. Here I am next to ze Great Anvil. Behind me you can see ze Great Blacksmiths making ze Great Iron Horse Shoes und other items of a most extraordinary nature.

All around ze Great Anvil are vats of ze molten iron used for making ze weapons und armor und other metal items for which ze dwarves are famous. Here I am standing next to Brombar Higgleby, who is asking me not to stand so close to ze molten metal. It would appear that every day, as many as sixteen people fall into ze metal und are fried like so much crispy dumplings. This is being a great nuisance to ze dwarves, und makes them quite grumpy, as ze bones are leaving ze calcium in ze metal und it making it not so good for ze refining.

Ironforge is ze city of a most cosmopolitan nature. I have seen people of all races here, including some which are new to me. Here you can see me having ze conversation with two very interesting giant women, who stood on this corner for all of ze time I was in ze city. I was curious why they stood there, und so I introduced myself und said I was new to Ironforge. They were most friendly, und explained that they were part of ze welcoming commitee of Ironforge. They offered to show me around ze town. Unfortunately, zis service required ze payment based upon ze elapsed time of ze tour, und my funds were insufficient for even one hour. Even so, they were most understanding, und said when I have more money that I should come back und they would both be happy to show me ze best time in Ironforge for ze price of just one of them.

Not only am I meeting with ze friendly welcoming persons, I am also meeting with people of ze most significant rank und prestige. How prestigious, are you asking? How about ze king of ze dwarves, King Magni Bronzebeard? He has a very large chair called ze “high seat” (again with ze compensating, ja?), und allowed me to stand next to him! I wanted to try sitting in ze “high seat”, but King Magni said that this would not be permitted because of safety regulations.

If you think King Magni was ze person of ze most prestigious nature, wait until you hear my next meeting! It was High Tinker Mekkatorque! Yes, I am not kidding! We discussed items of a most significant nature, und he told me of his current research into ze scientific devices und such like. I did not understand most of what he was saying, but it all sounded very impressive und scientific, und I am inspired to follow in ze footsteps of this great gnome und become ze master engineer, myself.

After meeting people of such fame und importance, you might think that there is nothing else to see in Ironforge. Nothing could be further from ze truth! Ironforge is a city of great accomplishments und most artistic nature. Here I am on a dwarven panzerwagen. It is pretty big, but somehow I thought it would be bigger.

Ironforge also has a large library und museum. Here I am in ze library. There was a room with shelves all ze way to ze high ceiling. Dwarves sure do like to read!

Ze museum has artifacts from ancient times, from even before ze evil elves betrayed ze good elves und made ze continents to be broken und ze ocean to be filling in ze middle. Here is an ancient elf artifact called ze “astrolabe”, a kind of medical instrument for ze woman parts.

Ironforge is also home to ze most remarkable piece of ze gnomishg engineering, ze Deeprun Tram. Unfortunately, ze tram area is infested with ze rats und other vermin. I helped ze tram personnel with ze cleanup some, but after a while I got so tired that ze rats ran right up to me und squeaked at me in a most disrespectful manner. I am thinking of maybe bringing dynamite next time.

Ze tram station has numerous platforms for ze embarking upon. Here I am pointing down ze tunnel. Ze tram is coming from that direction.

Ze tram goes to a place called Stormwind. I took it, but I was ze only person to do so. I discovered why this was when I arrived. Ze far end, this Stormwind, is a place of extreme danger! There were skeletons und dead bodies everywhere! I am a brave gnome, but papa did not raise any dummies. I got on ze tram und returned to Ironforge in a most immediate fashion. Perhaps when I am a mighty gnome warrior who has killed all of ze trolls, I will return to Stormwind und I will find what has killed all of these peoples und I will chop it up!

Und so I return to Ironforge, und find a nice clean room in a nice friendly inn. Here I am, relaxing with ze good dwarven ale, with my fellow warriors, safe und sound.

Your brother in love und respect,
Figli, son of Fugli