Blackmoor Vituperative

If you liked “Scream”, you may like “Freaky” (2020). It’s funny and gory, and Vince Vaughn and Kathryn Newton both deliver effective performances. I enjoyed it.

If you like the Richard Pryor/Gene Wilder movies from the 1970s, like “Silver Streak” (1976), you may like “Keanu” (2016). I think it’s probably the closest I have seen anyone come close to the style of movies that Pryor and Wilder made. It’s not 100% the kind of comedy I typically like, and I wasn’t entirely happy with the ending, but I enjoyed it.

We just watched one of the worst movies I have seen in a very long time. I have seen people compare this to “Alien” (1979) and “The Thing” (1982), but that gives this film far too much credit. If Uwe Boll were to make a crappy knockoff of Roger Corman’s “Forbidden World” (1982) (originally titled “Mutant”), it would look like “Breach” (2020).

Calling this “terrible” is an insult to terrible movies.

Fun fact! You can make a Christmas ornament out of a $9 Revell Snap Tite Star Wars Tie Interceptor model (link to the model).

1. Assemble the model.
2. Get a generic metal Christmas ornament hook, and one of those extra-long propane lighters for fireplaces, tiki torches, etc.
3. Un-bend the small end of the Christmas ornament hook to make it straight.
4. Heat up the un-bent end of the Christmas ornament hook with the lighter until the metal glows.
5. Push the hot metal straight down into the round part of the Tie Interceptor, but not so far that it comes out of the bottom. There is actually a tiny little circle on top of the space ship to show you where to put the hook!
6. Wait a minute or so for the metal and melted plastic to cool.
7. Hang it on the tree.

It doesn’t light up or make noise, but it is approximately the same size as a Hallmark ornament, and WAY cheaper! It fits right in with our Hallmark Tie Fighter and Darth Vader Tie Fighter ornaments.

P.S. The windows of mine are fogged up because I used crazy glue when I assembled my Tie Interceptor, and the vapours from the cyanoacrylate fogged up the inside of the windows (you have probably seen a similar effect on “CSI” or “Death In Paradise”, where they use crazy glue to reveal fingerprints on things).

It’s not uncommon for me to have a song in my head. I typically wake up with a song playing in my head. And it’s not terribly uncommon for me to walk around singing a song I haven’t consciously chosen to sing.

What was unusual today was that I was singing a David Bowie song (“Modern Love”, if you really want to know), and about halfway through, I realized that I was singing it in the style of Elton John.

So… huh. Interesting. After that realization, I started singing other David Bowie songs. And it’s funny, but most of the ones I tried worked just fine in the style of Elton John!

Naturally, I tried some other bands’ songs… Journey, Flock Of Seagulls, Queen… and it’s funny how easily that they lend themselves to an Elton John impression. “We Are The Champions” and “Separate Ways” sung by Elton John work particularly well, in my opinion.

So at this point I am almost done with my shower, and I think, I wonder if it works the other way around?

So I try , and you know what? It doesn’t work. I can’t do “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting” in the style of Journey or Queen or David Bowie.

So is that a strength of Elton John (or Bernie Taupin), or is that a weakness of my non-Elton John impressions?

Really makes you think.

Paul Bettany movies…

We watched “Uncle Frank” on Amazon Prime a couple of nights ago. Just FYI, it has a happy ending. I would have enjoyed the movie more had I known that up front, because I wasted a lot of time expecting something horrible to happen. Nothing horrible happens. Everything works out. So just enjoy the movie, and don’t worry.

Last night, we watched “Priest” on Netflix Streaming (it leaves Netflix today, so I’m not sure where you would find it now). It’s your basic post-apocalypse, fascist-church-vs-vampires movie: that same old story. Surprisingly, it’s pretty decent. The production design, sets, and so on are top notch, and all of the actors play it completely straight. This, too, has a happy ending. Oh, and the girl who gets abducted is currently on Netflix as the eponymous “Emily In Paris”.

Happy Halloween! Here is some World Of Warcraft wallpaper, if anyone still does that. 🙂

Tonight’s movies were “Vivarium” (2019), which had us saying “kill it” throughout much of the movie (why do the characters never listen to our advice?), and “Dead Weight” (2012), a zombie movie that isn’t anything like what you would expect from a zombie movie. As the person who recommended it to me said, it turns the “hard men making hard choices” cliche on its head.

Of the two, I would recommend “Dead Weight”. Be warned, it takes a while to get started (about 20 minutes, and if it hadn’t been recommended by someone I know, it probably would have been an 18 minute movie for me), but if you stick with it, you may like it.

This is one of a few in-character World Of Warcraft blog posts I wrote in the early 2000s and posted to rp-haven.com. The author of this is Figli Brassboots, a gnomish warrior, like his father Fugli before him.

Click the thumbnails for larger images with more details.

May 17, 2009, “Figli gets a haircut”

“What can I do for ya, bub?” ze goblin said.

“I am needing ze haircut!” I said.

“I got what you need!” ze goblin said with great confidence. “Hop in da chair.”

Today ist ze day! Today I meet with ze representatives of ze Commonwealth, a guild devoted to ze honest pursuits and ze protection of ze innocent peoples. But first, I need to be making myself presentable, und zo I am going to get a haircut!

“Hokay!” Und I hopped into ze special barber chair.

Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair, und zen spun me around to see.

“Whatcha think?”

“Nein, nein,” I said. “Zis is much too shaggy. I am needing more structure.”

“Structure, huh? You got it, bub.”

Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair, und zen spun me around to see.

“Whatcha think? Enough structure?”

“Zis is haffink ze structure,” I said, “but it is much too pointy. I am needing not so much pointiness.”

“Less pointy, huh? Okay, pal, I got yer meaning.”

Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair, und zen spun me around to see.

“Whatcha think? Better?”

I looked in ze mirror, and pondered.

“Zis is better, ja. Very aerodynamic! But I am thinking I am needing more hair on ze facial region. I am haffink ze interview of ze utmost importance, und I must have ze appearance of a gnome of a most sincere und serious nature.”

“Oh, okay. I got ya now. Serious. You got it.”  Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair again, und zen spun me around to see.

“Whatcha think? Serious enough?”

“Ja ja, zis is serious,” I said. “But mein head ist cold! I am needing more hair on top of mein head.”

“Oh, okay,” ze goblin said. “You shoulda said that before. I know whatcha need now.”

Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair, und zen spun me around again to see.

“Whatcha think? More hair on yer head.”

“Zis is no good,” I said. “Mein head looks like a bird!”

“Like a boid, huh? Okay, pal, I get yer meaning. I’ll trim it it up for ya.”

Ze goblin tugged und combed und re-arranged mein hair, und zen spun me around again to see.

“Whatcha think? I took it in on da sides and da beard.”

“Zis is perfect!” I said.

Und zo, I paid ze goblin his gold, und alzo gave him a generous tip for his efforts of such an extraordinary nature.

I am ready for ze interviewing!

This is one of a few in-character World Of Warcraft blog posts I wrote in the early 2000s and posted to rp-haven.com. The author of this is Figli Brassboots, a gnomish warrior, like his father Fugli before him.

Click the thumbnails for larger images with more details.

August 8, 2008, “Arrival in Ironforge”

To mein dearest sister Migli,

Hello from ze draenei land! After meeting ze friendly draenei women in Ironforge, I was very curious to see more of zese giant people with ze horns und ze horse-feet. Und zo, I went to ze island of their city, which is being called Exodar. Exodar ist ze very unusual city! It is all glowing und sparkly und is mostly made of stone, but is being made from crystal alzo. One of ze most unusual traits I am seeing is ze transparent floor, which is allowing you to see where you are going before you get there! It also allows you to wave at friends, which is nice, but most people do not look up, und zo are not waving back.

Ze draenei city is being lit very brightly, but you will not see torches! Zis was being a great mystery, but ze draenei I ask about zis are not understanding my question. Und zo, I am haffink to investigate into ze nature of ze draenei lighting system. After much exploration, I make a discovery — ze draenei city is powered by ze magical wind chimes! Apparently, zis power source is so vigorous, it can light ze entire draenei city all by itself! I am thinking we need one of zese wind chimes for Ironforge, und maybe Gnomeregan, alzo!

Ze draenei city is being a wealth of valuable minerals. Mein battle chicken, Kluckenspeil, is helping me to find zese minerals on many occasions, but he is not very good at ze mining. Even zo, I let him peck at ze stone und let him think he is being ze help to me. He is a good chicken.

Ze draenei peoples are haffink many enemies in their new home. One enemy of ze draenei is ze bear people, which are being called firbolgs. Some of these are fighting ze draenei, but zis is because ze draenei dropped pieces of crystal all over ze place when they came to ze island, und ze crystals are being poisonous to ze animals und ze plants in ze manner much like what I have heard about Gnomeregan. I am thinking zis makes ze draenei having problems much like ze gnomes, but without haffink ze dwarf friends to be taking them in! Zis makes me want to be a help to them, und zo I am performing ze investigations und solving ze problems for them und things of zis nature.

Zo anyway, ze firbolgs are some fighting ze draenei, but some are wanting to be friends. The bad firbolgs are also fighting ze good firbolgs. I learned zis when I was asked to rescue a pincess from ze bad firbolgs. Ja, a princess! You can be imagining my surprise when I rescue ze princess und discover she is a firbolg, alzo. No princess kisses for Figli!

Some of ze draenei enemies I haff seen before, like ze pink elfen. I do not know why ze bad pink elfen are attacking ze draenei und summoning up ze monsters und demons und other things of a most calamitous nature. I help ze draenei with ze finding of a leader of ze bad pink elfen, und they gave him a trial und decided to kill him. Zis is puzzling me for several reasons. First, why are they haffink a trial for zis pink elf, Matis, when they are not haffink trials for ze other pink elfen, whom they are just killing? Also, I am thinking I do not understand ze draenei systems of ze legality und ze judiciality, because all they did was to say to ze pink elf, “You haff been found guilty, und we are to be killink you in ze morning!”, but I was not seeing ze evidence or ze formal accusations or ze back und forth und back und forth such as is ze case in ze gnomish courts of judicious decisioneering. But maybe they are haffink zis when I am not looking, maybe. Anyway, ze pink elfen was definitely one of ze bad pink elfen, because he was spitting und saying things about enslaving ze magical wind chime und torturing people und other things of a most vicious und malevolent nature.

Ze most ferocious enemies of ze draenei are ze snake men being called ze naga, und are definitely ze most ferocious creatures! Many times, I am haffink to fight ze hardest I have ever fought! But do not worry, I am always being careful und am using ze superior gnomish tactics, und zis is why I am always winning in ze battles!

Ze naga are haffink ze interesting statues. I think it is being ze naga queen, or maybe ze naga goddess, or something of zis nature. I would like to ask them about zis, but they are not ze communicative people. Still, it is ze most artistic looking statue!

Near to ze draenei is ze most astounding monster of all: ze ghost of ze dragon from times long ago! I was not believing zis when I am first being told it, but then I went und looked for myself und discovered it to be true! Unfortunately, I was not being careful enough with ze sneaking, und ze ghost dragon wanted to eat me, even though he was ze ghost und does not need to eat anymore — certainly not gnomes! So I was haffink to kill him again, although when he is remembering that he is already dead, he will be very annoyed, I am thinking! But I am long gone by then. Papa did not raise any stupid gnomes!

I am saving ze best news for ze last. Ze draenei are riding great beasts of ze most extraordinary und gigantic nature, which are being called elekks. They let me ride one of the elekks on a temporary basis so that I could carry important messages to many draenei in different places on ze island. Zis was an experience of ze most exhilarating nature! Ze draenei in charge of ze elekks is saying that when I have done many favors for ze draenei und proved I am trustworthy and a friend to ze draenei peoples, that I can have an elekk to ride for myself. So I am working very hard now!

I must to be wrapping up zis letter, because mein ship has arrived for taking me to Ashenvale, where ze draenei und ze blue elfen are needing ze help of brave gnome warriors. I will be writing again soon!

Your brother in love und respect,
Figli, son of Fugli